Rollercoaster...

let's talk about rollercoaster.
it's the ride that make your heart jumping upside down.
full of excitement, full of screaming...
scary sometimes, but also interesting at the same time...
a one package entertainment.

but there's one feeling people like to forget about this ride.
the feeling that can clearly happen.

numb.

u can easily get numb.
when u had soo many rollercoaster in your life.
or maybe even just one, but u used it just one too many.
u lost the enjoyment...
u lost the excitement...
and even u lost the 'scared' feeling that supposed to be there...
u can't feel a thing.
u just... numb.

that happen for sure.
if you didn't get the right rollercoaster.

But when it's right...
i bet u will never had enough...
no matter how often you ride it...
u keep ask for more.. more... and more...

at this point.
u got ur own rollercoaster.
take it,
ride it,
own it,
and never let it go for others...

STUPID!!

they said i'm stupid.

no.

i'm worse than that.

stupid means then dont know that they are doing the wrong things.

me?
i know.
i know this is stupid.
i know this is wrong.
i know this is hurt.

yet,
i'm doing this.

For the reason,
that will never be understood.

Let alone by anyone else,
even i dont understand it either.

so, what exactly that made me?

corat-coret malam hari...

OK.
Sebulan cuma satu post.
Rekor yang kelewat buruk buat orang yang di awal udah berkoar-koar mau rajin nge-blog. But what can i do?

Gak ada alasan yang jelas si.
Outline enggak. Not even a word. Jangankan word, letter pun blom.

Kerjaan?
Well, let's blame it on that!
Setelah 3-bulan-penuh-online pas magang kemaren, sekarang gw online cuma buat nge-post artikel. At least 2 a day.
jadi, on my defence, gw jadi ngerasa udah nge-blog.
Padahal mah ya beda jauh.

Ya udah. Lupakan.
Yang jelas, i'm back on a writing zone.

Selalu deh. Dibutuhkan penghancur mood atau insomnia untuk ngebuat gw nulis lagi.
For this post, i get both.

As always, ada sisi positif dari segala hal...

Review dulu ah..
last 2 months, gw balik lagi ke rutinitas kampus.
And by rutinitas i mean selalu telat dan cabut kuliah.., haha..

Padahal, this is the last semester i got this kind of full schedule.

And i believe, i'm gonna freakin miss all this.

especially all my dear friends.

yang sekarang aja udah mulai ilang2, (apa gw-nya? entahlah...)

gmana semester depan?

beberapa blog yang lalu gw sempet ngomongin soal dream...
want it, and u get it...

gw BUTUH itu sekarang...
i need a push..
an 'ON' button...

to at least let me move...
rather just stuck here like a stone.

sudahlah.
i have to stop complaining..

tapi kenapa yah, ngeluh di blog ato status tuh enak?
haha.. silly though...
but, believe me, millions people do that.

Kayak sharing penderitaan dengan orang lain yah?
atau just seeking an attention?
or maybe both.

For me,
this is what i have on my mind that need to get out.
to be written,
to be read (yeah, perhaps only really few people read this but i have my other writings that read by hundreds so i wouldnt mind... -nyombong abis... haha...)

echa's sending off...
thanks for reading my complain.
promise u a better and much more meaningful post next time... hehe..

See Ya!!!

the 'F' word...

I try to smile...
Well... U could say it work..
I'm smiling...

But it doesn't hide the fact that I'm hurting..

Deep down inside..

These stupid things call 'feeling' is killing me..

Can a human live without that?

Millions of voice will say the same thing:

Of course, we can't!

But... Let's try to see from this point of view...

Okay...
Without that 'f' word..
We'll never be happy,,
But on the other hand, we won't be sad also...

So.. The lose of happiness would be..

Nothing...

But I guess,
That kind of things won't called life, will it?

...
...
...
*just some stupid thought...

Miracles in Life

judulnya seolah2 postingan ini adalah salah satu dongeng disney...
atau mungkin harry potter...
atau Lord Of The Rings...

nope.. it's not that kind of magic...

apa lagi magic'a the master...
it's not that it's bad.. but it's not the one i wanna talk about (or write about actually...) here...

hidup gw seringnya jalan datar2 aja...
cuma satu kebiasaan yang dari kecil dulu gak pernah ilang adalah:

gw suka banget mengkhayal,,,
yup.. about anything...

inilah contoh anak yang grow up dengan nonton doraemon...

i believe anything could happen...

well,, as i grow up..
life definetely NOT that simple...

not anything... but surely... ada hal2 di kehidupan yang bisa kita masukin dalam kotak "miracle"...

mungkin gak sebesar keajaiban seseorang yang udah di-vonis mati tapi ternyata masi bisa hidup santai2 20 tahun kemudian...
that IS a perfect miracle...

but no..
let's see some simple things...

dari gw masi sd..
gw seriing banget ngelewatin jalan sudirman-thamrin...
ngeliat ada banyaak gedung2 gede...

dan what's comes in my mind is:
"i WILL work in one of this building someday... i should...."

then... out of nowhere,
4 bulan an yang lalu, bokap gw tercinta nawarin untuk nyoba apply magang di GTZ...
i took the shot...
and...
here i am now...
as i'm counting down to my last day...
i'm working there!! on one of the building that i love to see before..

feels really nice...
dreams comes true?
well,, just simply call it miracle...

next...
i got my another dream just yesterday...

all started with a simple plurk...
"esya7 akan tarawih pertama tahun ini dan lanjut maraton liga inggris. malam minggu yang menyenangkan"

dan tiba2 ada respon dari seorang ranaditya alief...

"cha, lo jurnal kan? suka bola? minat nulis di djarumsuper.com"

dan gw yang langsung...

"okeh... gw mau!"

gw bikin artikel, dia ngaturin wawancara nya, gw gambling nyari tempatnya, gw telat gara2 macet, gw interview sambil buka puasa yang kelewat telat, and... i got the job... and i have my first article published today...

FYI, seinget gw, gw dan rana gak pernah ngobrol lebih dari 15 menit di kampus...

dan dia udah sangat ngebantu gw ng-wujud-in salah satu mimpi gw yang lain...

wrote about something that i actually like... and get paid for it...

atau lebih sederhananya lag,
dulu, dari pas gw smp, tiap gw baca Bola, gw selalu mikir..

"Wow... gw pingin kerjaan kayak gini.. seruuu"

simple things... but i DO want it...

dan meskipun gak dalam bentuk yang persis sama, i GOT it..
rite after my other dream finished...

again.. Miracle at a simplest form...

but enough to make me realize there's soo many great and beautiful things in this world...
and sometimes, we're just forget to be grateful by it...

itu cuma dua contoh aja,,
masi ada banyaaakkk hal2 lain yang sering gw consider miracle...
bisa masuk kom dan ketemu tmen2 paling luar biasa yg pernah gw punya salah satunya...

sooo,,,
now... i've promise myself...
i WILL NEVER stop dreaming...

about new york, about London, about a simple and nice apartement, about happiness in my future, and about everything else...

'cause it's the fact..
Miracles DOES happen...

"4-Letter-Words"

LOVE!

okeh... awalnya si gw sedikit berharap ni blog akan jarang bgt ngomongin this 4-letter-words..
tp ternyata baru juga post ke 4, lgsg ngebahas deh..
mungkin karena ada sama nya ya, 4 huruf dan post ke-4... (gak penting, gak logis, gak usah dipercaya... haha...)

what's wrong with this things ya? (terjemahan harfiah: ada apa dengan cinta?? yeah... u can start singing now....)

have u ever been in love?

pasti lah... everybody's ever been in love at least once in life...

tp kan bentuk nya beda-beda yah...
ada yang indaaaaaahhhhhh (YUP! dengan banyak 'A' dan 'H') banget...
ada yang menyenangkan...
ada yang nyusahin...
ada yang ngeberatin...
ada yang bikin depresi...
ada yang bikin idup lebih berati...

ya begitulah...

my point is mau bentuknya kayak apa juga..
love is love...

setiap orang bakal punya pengalaman yang beda-beda...
dan setiap orang punya hak buat ngasi label ke si 4-letter-word ini...

tp quotes nya coelho yang gw baca kemarin (thanks to fani..) cukup bikin gw ketusuk...

"... what is happiness?
Love, they tell me. but love doesn't bring and never has brought happiness. On the contrary, it's a constant state anxiety, a battlefield; it's sleepless nights, asking ourselves all the time if we're doing the right thing. Real love is composed with ecstasy and agony."

THERE!!
it's true... really really true...

dan final words nya: "Real love is composed with ecstasy and agony"

true again..

so, do we really realize that when we say "i wanna find my true love...."
or even worse, "well.. this is my true love..."

that means we're gonna stuck with ecstasy and agony....


well.. some people will say it will be worth it...
gak papalah kita menderita, asal bisa dapet cinta nya kita...

DUH!!
i dont think how that suppose to be...

but again... in Love, Logic really rare on taking it's part...

sering nya si 'Feel' ini...

gak salah juga si..
karena ya emang gak ada yang bener, gak ada yang salah...

and u know what?
kalo gak ada si '4-Letter-Words' ini, hidup gak akan kayak gini...

gak bakalan ada orang yang cerita panjang lebar sama temen nya, yang actually udah muak banget...
gak bakalan ada orang yang curhat pake status FB, Plurk, Twitter, etc... (contoh nyata: GW..)
gak bakalan muncul puisi-puisi, lagu-lagu, quotes-quotes romantis yang bikin sebagian orang melayang-layang dan sebagian lagi muntah-muntah...
gak bakalan ada cerita kapal patah jadi dua yang ditonton sampe jutaan orang...
gak bakalan ada kasus ngeliat dua orang berantem (atau make out, u pick,,,) di public places dan disebar ke orang-orang...
gak bakalan ada infotainment yang terus masuk ke idup orang...

and simply, toko coklat, bunga, dan aksesoris bakal kehilangan at least setengah pelanggan nya... haha,,,

all of that, and so many more, bakal gak ada kalo si '4-letter-words' ini gak ada...

our world will be a better world?
at some point, maybe yes...

but one thing for sure, it will be sooo much more boring compare to what we have today...

Jadiii...
mari kita nikmati saja si '4-letter-words' ini...
sambil nunggu ato nyari dia ke hidup kita...
and then stuck with it...

life is...

people says life is a game...

but why can't i find the pause button?
so i can freeze any moments that i love...

but why cant i find any checkpoint?
so i can start over from the place i last saved...

but why can't i find the walkthrough books?
so i can find out what will i face next...

but why can't i find delete button?
so i can erase any memories that i don't like, or needed...

but why can't i find a RESET button?
so that i can end it, and start all over again...


it's not a game, i guess..

life is...

simply..

sucks...



but, we have to deal with it...

fight for it...

and try to enjoy and be happy

invasi!!

lately...

gw banyak banget ngabisin waktu sendirian...

'teman2' gw ya cuma orang2 yang ada di plurk, ato ym...
ato lebih parah lagi: omegle...
which is stranger...
OH TUHAN...

to put it simply,
kehidupan sosial gw kayak nya keganggu deh!!

haha...

terus kerjaan...

gw ngebayangin dulu pas zaman ny kerja pake mesin ketik...
pasti kerjaan pada cepet2 beres yah...
gak ada gangguan youtube, plurk, facebook, ym, kaskus, ddl, etc, dsb...

kalo mau ngobrol paling ma meja sebelah...
itu juga diem2.. takut ketauan bos nya..

lah sekarang..
tinggal satu klik aja, bos nya gak tau tadi kita baru ngapain...

seems like a bad things...
tp kok feel good yah?

konsep 'most of bad things are good to taste' kyny berlaku di sini..
haha..

ah.. teknologi..
invasi spektakuler yang tak kunjung henti...

pertanyaan terbesar nya adalah:

apa yang akan kejadian yah,
kalo entah dengan kekuatan apa,
semua teknologi ini hilang untuk, let say, seminggu?
can we stand it?

ato semua ini bisa kayak gini karena semua orang udah kepengaruh?
jd ya kalo ilang nya di semua orang ya gak ada pengatuh nya juga....

guess... we'll never know...

Welcome!!!

i used to love writing...
but i stop doing that...

silly decision...
when so many things that this mind has...

that HAVE to get out...

so...

i'll just start over again...
and wishing to never stop...

'cause i started to realize...
writing is part of my life...

that can never be leave behind...

welcome to 'mind to share'!!!!!